Conscription (pt. 2)

Society’s Use of the Male Body

Many very respected social psychologists and sociologists, including two of the most influential writers on Men’s Issues, Dr. Warren Farrell (The Myth of Male Power) [excerpts here] and Dr. Roy F. Baumeister (Is There Anything Good About Men?), [speech version transcript here] have observed that society uses the male body as a disposable tool in order to perpetuate itself.

The idea essentially holds that human beings don’t just work for their own benefit: we work of the benefit of the social group in which we exist. We are as invested in seeing our brothers and sisters, our children, our cousins, and our nieces and nephews succeed as we are interested in our own success. This is not just a genetic drive to perpetuate ourselves (although that is part of it), but it is also connected to our innate need to belong and be a part of a group. A lone human being simply cannot survive – we need our families and our peers in order to divide our labour and get all the resources we need. We also need the mental stimulation of companionship to give us motivations to engage in life.

As we bond with others, we gain the motive to help people other than our relatives survive because we become emotionally invested in them as friends and lovers, or we become invested in the institutions those people create, like cooperatives, businesses, and religions.

All these humans interacting together form a highly complex system – Society – that sustains the well-being of every human being participating in it. Society is innately more important than individual people making it up: you can lose multiple people and Society will still remain intact. In fact. In fact when societies clash over resources, it is the Society whose people are willing to make the greatest sacrifices, individually and as a group, that usually prevails.

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Conscription (pt. 1)

I have been working on this article for several months, simply because it is so complex a topic that researching it is rather like falling down the rabbit hole: new and strange things simply keep popping up just when you think that you’d read it all.

I decided to take on the issue of conscription a few months ago when a friend of mine got talking about it. He is a member of Singapore’s poor underclass. His state has not served him well, it is devoted to serving the wealthy at the top: the old and powerful families, along with foreign businessmen whose money keep the gears of the state turning. He has encountered glass ceilings that keep him from getting access to decent-paying jobs, blackballing from artistic circles because of his socioeconomic class, and aggression from the authorities because he has the bad taste to be poor, overworked, underpaid, treated with contempt… and refuses to be quiet about it.

The state, and the people running it, have been robbing him and holding him – and his loved ones – down for decades. He has never seen much in the way of the lauded benefits of a law-and-order state, and accordingly had no reason to love it. And yet, when he reached the age of majority he had years of mandatory military service ahead of him, including being brutalized and psychologically abused through a severe training regimen, after which he was expected to repeatedly lay his life on the line for his state, with no chance at promotion or getting himself up out of poverty in exchange. His alternative was a lengthy prison sentence where he could expect even more severe abuse.

As he wrote to me about it, and could open up a little further, my friend talked to me about how violated he felt: he was used over and over again in dangerous, sometimes painful ways. He said that he often felt as though he was given a choice of perform or be punished. Forced military service became inseparable from a form of rape to him.

He asked me, as someone very interested in Men’s Issues to look at it, and give him a dialectic: something he could look at to get a feel for how other men experienced it. And so this is my attempt to do just that, starting by putting it in some context. First by talking about how it affects us, then by talking about what signals it sends to everyone about who and what men are, and finally talking about how I’ve observed conscription creeps into cultural consciousness in small but high-impact ways in America.

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Making Friends 400: Be Open to Friendship

I could happily write a book on this topic: it is one of those subjects that we really take for granted in our culture: we do not consciously teach the skills necessary to make friends, become close to them, or to be a good friend, and at the same time ours is one of the first cultures so large in scope, and so dense in conflicting and confusing messages, and so thin on norms and life scripts that we produce people who can go through their entire lives with poor friendship skills and few or even no close or trusted friends. We live in a time when the powers that be strive to convince us that we will be happier with things than with people.

Friendship is a skill set, and one that can be taught and applied. Tools like Neurolinguistic Programming and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy allow us to change the way we respond to the world around us, at first consciously, and then, with practice, automatically. In the past few posts I hope I gave you some valuable tools, whether you are a person with good social skills already, or someone in need of a little extra help.

I wanted to end this series with a single, all-important final note: be open to your friends.

Be open to the help they can give you. Be open to being cared for. Be open to the idea that your friends might find it rewarding to help you with your worries and problems. Be open to communicating to them, even when you feel like shutting down.

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Making Friends 311: Male/Female Relationships

Today I am going to write on how Men and Women express friendship, and how to be good friends with members of your own sex and the opposite sex alike.

The differences between the sexes is a complicated topic, and there are always numerous exceptions to every major trend or behaviour. Whenever someone speaking on the topic of Men or Women makes an assertion like “Men tend do do X”, what they are actually saying is “Thanks to a combination of genetics, upbringing, and the way society makes use of Men, the majority of Men will do X, but roughly 10% will do what women do instead, and around another 10% to 15% will do Y instead.” and the same goes for Women.

Social behaviour is one of the places where the two sexes seem to vary the most. And friendships work very differently for Men than they do for Women.

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Making Friends 301: Know the Worth of Friendship

I have three articles left to write about Friendship before I move on to other topics (yes, Teck, keep your hair on). They are about the form, the value and the power of friendship, as much as they are instructional on how to make, empower, and keep friendships going. No human being will strive and overcome if they don’t see very real value and rewards to an undertaking and develop a powerful hunger for those rewards. I can talk to you all I might like about the Art of making friends, and develop the most elegant and easy-to-use system in the world, but if I don’t discuss why it is so valuable.

And so today, I wanted to talk about one of the most little-considered, and yet most important truths about having friends: they make it possible to be happy.

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